Dirty Jokes (18 and over!)

Blind hookers, you really gotta hand it to 'em!

what kind of shit is god's shit?


answer:HOLY SHIT!

i was trying to call a sex hotline but apparently cheap pussies is a pet shop.....

guy at work sent me this funny vid that was sent to him.
It's reminds me of family guy, but it's definitely not family guy. LOL.

This recovering alcoholic is down town to pick up his income tax return. He passes by a bar and turns to go inside. He stops and thinks to himself "If I go in here and get drunk, my wife will leave me". He makes a promise to himself to only have a couple beers and then leave. Well he goes in and gets wasted. As he sits at the bar, he pukes down the front of his shirt. Immediately he breaks out into tears sobbing "My wife is going to leave me. I'm just a miserable old drunk and now I'm going to die alone". The guy sitting next to him turns and says to the drunk guy "It's not that bad. You can get out of this." The drunk looks at him and asks how in the world is he going to get out of this? The guy says "Take a $5 bill and put it in your shirt pocket. When you get home, tell her you had a couple beers and a guy puked on you.

Tell her that the $5 was given to you to pay for the shirt." The drunk guy looks disbelievingly at him and says "That just might work. You are a saint. Thank you." The drunk guys goes straight home. When he walks through the front door, his wife is waiting for him and she is irate. She takes one look at him and screams "I can't believe it. You're drunk. I warned you but you just don't care. I'm moving out." The drunk says "Stop honey. Let me explain. True I did have a couple beers but I'm not drunk." She says " Look at you... you puked down the front of your shirt." He says "I didn't do this. A drunk guy next to me puked on me. He put a $5 bill in my shirt pocket to pay for the shirt. You can see for yourself" She reaches into his pocket and pulls out some money. She looks at it, then to him and says "This is a $10 bill" He looks at her and says "Oh I forgot. He shit my pants too".

A guy walks into a bar with a beautiful woman on his arm, and a very small man sitting on his shoulder. He sits down, pulls out a brand new $100 bill and asks the bartender to get him & his lady friend a couple of martini's, a round for everyone else in the bar, and keep the change.

The bartender agrees, and just as everyone is about to sip their drink, the little man jumps of the guy's shoulder, knocks over everybody's drink and laughs.

The bartender comes over and the guy apologizes, pulls out another crisp, brand new $100 bill, tells the bartender to get everyone a drink and keep the change. The bartender obliges.

Sure enough, the little man jumps off the guy's shoulder, spills everyone's drink and laugh out loud. Again.

The bartender demands an explination now, and the man says, "I was walking on the beach the other day and I stubbed my toe. When I looked to see what i kicked, I found it was an old oil lamp. When I dusted it off a genie popped out and granted me 3 wishes. My first wish was every time I reach into my pocket I would pull out a crisp, clean, brand new $100 bill. My second wish, was that everywhere I go I would be accompianied by a beautiful woman, as you can see here. My 3rd and final wish was for a 12 inch prick, and there he is..."

I think, on teamspeak, most of us have just about covered all the uses on this one...LOL.

This one is for all the old bucks in the clan!

[EW]Rambo1942 wrote:

guy at work sent me this funny vid that was sent to him.
It's reminds me of family guy, but it's definitely not family guy. LOL.

Holy crap that was funny

[EW]Grundy wrote:

WTF!!!!

Well me and Pip were talking on msn when she came back from Cyprus, this is the convo:

Ryan - "Did u miss my dirty comments :L"

Pip - "Well... Obiously i havn't heard any tonight, will I"

Ryan - "i don't know i might cum up with someting..."

At that point she started laughing her head off lol